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Coaching Tips

As both coach and writer I am one of those writer-coaches who for several years provided Coaching Tips, originally to Coach U and later to Coachville, for their regular email broadcasts.  Since my e-mail indicated that this work is useful to many, I had hoped in this way to continue to serve coaches worldwide, and had written over a hundred tips when the decision was made. due to organizational changes at Coachville, to discontinue many of the broadcasts, including the Top Ten lists and Coaching Tips.  I amnot, therefore, able to continue with this contribution.  However, I can make existing Coaching Tips available through this web site.

Below are links to all (I think) of my coaching tips, together with the first few lines of each.  To open a window to the entire tip, click on the title, and close the window to return to this page. Because issues that apply to clients also apply to coaches, the divisions between topics are a bit fuzzy, yet, with with over a hundred tips listed, some form of division is necessary to simplify your search.  (Following the requests of some of my correspondents, for some topics I am beginning the process of inserting a link to sites where deeper knowledge of the research and theories involved can be found and I hope to expand this in the future.) 

(As you read, if you think that you would like to talk with me directly, use any Guestbook link or the links in the yellow panels to request a free coaching call.)  If you have not seen the two pages devoted to my free e-zines, "Work in Progress," and "Grounded in the Earth, Reaching for the Sky" you may also wish to check them out.

Coaching Tips topic areas include:

"You have helped me take a huge step in my personal growth and development... I now realize that because of your help... I have re-focused my life towards financial freedom and abundance."

General Client Issues  Go  
Prioritizing & Time Management  Go  
Tolerations  Go  
Issues of extremes  Go  
Client/Coach communication   Go  
Workplace Issues   Go  
The business of coaching  Go  
For the beginning coach    Go
Spirituality Coaching    Go  
Insights for all  Go  

Client issues

Coaching the pressure situation:  When a client is in a pressureful situation, this may be a time when s/he feels more and more alone and less and less able to reach out to others for support and information. There may be a feeling of "It's all on me, I have to do it alone." This works against creative problem-solving and makes good choices difficult.  Go  

Money management:  Some coaches feel hesitant to work with clients on money management issues because they themselves are not yet in a position of abundance. In addition, any coach needs to be aware of the line between giving financial advice, for which one needs to be properly qualified, and giving advice on money management, which is often common sense. However... Go  

Whose responsibility?Some people believe that whatever happens to them is the result of luck. Others that they are at the receiving end of what is handed out by other people. Most successful people believe that they are responsible for and largely in control of their lives. Go 

The client calls the tune:  The well-known life balance wheel is intended to work on what the client wants for him or herself, not on some immutable set of one-size-fits-all criteria. As coaches, it is important to recognize always that each client needs to be coached toward that client's criteria for success, happiness, and a fulfilling life, even if these do not exactly match our own.  Go  

It's okay to toot your own horn:  People who have been raised to believe that they should not 'toot their own horn' often find it difficult to introduce themselves or their work proudly. While it is fine to give credit to others who have helped us, or have contributed to our success, giving credit where credit is due includes ourselves.Go  

If I could just know...  For many people, a major cause of anxiety is not knowing.  Go  

When work and home collide: In the search for balance, work and home are often set against each other. It is important to remember that both serve a larger priority, perhaps best described as 'quality of life.' They can therefore be seen as contributing to the same goal, not working in opposition to it.  Go  

Working hard on working hard:  More activity does not always achieve more results. Sometimes more activity simply means that we are working harder and harder and believing that what we are doing will bring results, when in fact our activity is not results-oriented.  Go 

Delegate for results, not for process:  A coach will sometimes find that a client presents as having to take responsibility for everything around her/him, when in fact there are other resources who can carry some of the load.  Go 

Habits that prevent progress:  Some habits may get in the way of our fully focusing on what is important to us. Clients may be encouraged to perceive these behaviors as potentially presenting serious problems that prevent serious success.  Go  

Display your achievements:  Coaches often need to encourage their clients to think positively about themselves and not to under-estimate their abilities. One way to do this is to suggest that they create a display of their past successes.  Go  

Increasing social contacts:  Clients who are career-successful sometimes find that they are lacking in their social lives. If they turn to a coach for help in remedying this, some solutions are simpler than might be expected.  Go  

Nourishing what we think we are not:  While it is important that clients (and coaches) understand themselves and their behavioral tendencies, it is equally important that we not totally buy into them as 'who we are' and leave it at that.  Go  

"I just got your coaching tip and had to stop applauding long enough to let you know how strongly that resonated." (A reader)

Creativity - the diverge-converge switch:  In the divergent phase of the creative process we are thinking of many alternatives. In the convergent we may have to focus on just one. The switch between the two processes can be difficult.  Go

Perspective - up, up, and away!   One important function of a coach is to help clients keep a balanced perspective. Go

What is coaching success?  What do people REALLY want when they hire a coach? Sometimes it can be too easy to focus on the superficial goals, when the truth goes very much deeper... Go  

Move forward, not backward:  People often hire a coach during a time of transition. The coach who believes s/he has been hired to help the client move forward into the future, needs to be aware that sometimes the client actually wants to recreate the past... Go  

Don't fight the problem, solve it:  A coach can help a client move past fighting the problem so that energy is focused on solving the problem. Go  

Perceived inequities:  Research shows that when two people who share tasks report what percentage they do, the total given by the two always totals more than one hundred percent. Something doesn't add up... Go

External change? Or inner transformation?  A need for change does not always mean the kind of change we think it does. External changes may sometimes be just a way of avoiding inner change that is really what is needed. Go

I am a person who...  "I am a person who..." changes the client's self-perception. This is far more powerful than just trying to change a behavior. Go

Pay-offs for non-action:  As coaches we may sometimes encounter clients who express great desire to do certain things, but who just do not get around to it. We may even encounter this behavior in ourselves. Sometimes we need to find the present pay-off... Go

Coaching or therapy?  The fact that a client has identified the causes of his/her problems does not mean that the problems are fixed. Insight is only a first step. Go  

Foundation difficulties:  Sooner or later, most coaches work with their clients on the area of Personal Foundation.  And sooner or later, a client may find this quite uncomfortable... Go  

Not all leaders:  The majority of coaches are independent, often risk-taking, quite frequently loners, and almost always leaders. The fact that these traits work for us does not mean that they will work for everyone...   Go

The When... Then Syndrome  The When... Then syndrome is displayed by anyone who tells you "I'm going to do .... when I've ...." While there are legitimate reasons for When... Then, it is frequently an excuse for taking no action, for procrastinating. Go

Dealing with the anger crisis:  A particularly difficult situation for a coach can be when a client is suddenly involved in a situation that invokes negative emotions, and even potentially harmful responses. A client has just been harmed in some way and is ravingly (or sobbingly) angry... Go

Respect:  When coaching clients work on the CoachU Need-Less program, many find that a major need is to be respected. This is an area that seems tailor-made for coaching. Go

Joyous journey:  It may be a cliche to say that life is a journey, but it is an analogy with many very strong matches. Yet we often prepare for a vacation trip with far more care than for the remainder of our lives. Go

Forgotten Dreams:  When clients have difficulty in verbalizing what they want from life, what their goals are, it is sometimes helpful to take them back to childhood... Go

Dialog Journaling: A technique that many clients find very useful in sorting out their resentments and unfinished business is dialog journaling... Go



Prioritizing & Time Management

Flex blocks:  Sometimes assigning a certain AMOUNT of time to an activity allows more flexibility and makes it more likely that the activity will be done than when we assign a specific time of day when that activity MUST be done. Go

Integrating the goals into a vision:  As coaches we usually try to focus on the whole client. When a client has goals in many different areas of life, it is important to not only put some focus on prioritizing and on balance, but also on clarifying when some goals may work in direct opposition to each other. Go

Free time versus wasted time:  There is a vast difference between free time and wasted time. Sometimes, as coaches, we work with clients who have difficulty allowing themselves free time, and they need help in taking more time for themselves. Sometimes a client may have problems with wasted time, and it might appear that they are to be coached in the opposite direction. Yet, in fact, the two issues are not opposites. Go

Does your use of time reflect your priorities? It is too easy to get into the habit of allocating our time in a certain way, so that we continue to make that allocation after our priorities have changed. Depending on the rate of change in one's life, it is wise to re-evaluate our priorities on a regular basis, possibly monthly when we are experiencing rapid change, certainly annually for all of us... Go

Time-stealers:  We may have developed a list of top priorities to keep in our awareness, but what about our time wasters, or, as I prefer to call them, time-stealers? Go

How important is it?   Finding enough time is not a problem - we all get the same 24 hours a day. Each new minute is sitting there waiting for us--we do not have to find it. Go

First Steps:  Often, clients have a large number of long-term goals in mind when they hire a coach. Their difficulty is that before they can begin to move forward towards them, they need to clarify which ones are the most important, AND, what is the first step for each. Go

Thinning out:  Clients often have many ideas, many goals, many plans when they start working with a coach. There is a fine line between encouraging them to have it ALL, and first helping them to focus their energies on just a few... Go

Why? What is it for?  One of the most frequent tasks facing clients who hire a coach is to prioritize, simplify and balance their various goals. A most useful technique is to ask, quite simply, What is it for? Or even more simply, just Why? Go


Tolerations

Tolerations are personal, not universal:  It is important that as coaches we not lay our own model of tolerations on our clients. What is a toleration for one person may not be one for another... Go

Reframing tolerations:  Mental reframing can be as effective a way of zapping tolerations as the physical process of removing them. Go

Tolerations are choices:  We need to recognize that tolerations are a choice, not something that we endure because we have no other options. Though a few tolerations may be beyond our control, for the most part, if we have not zapped a toleration it is because we have chosen not to give it high priority. Go


Issues of extremes

Frying pan fire... extremes:  The saying, "Out of the frying pan, into the fire," exemplifies what can easily happen when someone in transition is attempting to avoid repeating history. Instead of repeating history, they may go to an opposite, and equally undesirable, extreme. Go

Flexibility and authenticity:  Flexibility and authenticity are not incompatible. It is possible to respond flexibly to changing circumstances and yet to remain authentically ourselves. Go

Independence and connectedness:  It is easy to waste time and energy moving back and forth between opposing needs as our moods change. How can we stop this waste? Go


Client/coach communication

When dreams seem too huge:  A question that came up recently from a new coach addressed this not infrequent concern. As coaches we all want to be unconditionally encouraging and supportive to our clients. On the other hand, we also want to be truthful with them... Go

When it's time to move on:   Clearly an important part of coaching is to keep the client empowered and to discourage any tendency to dependence, so for the most part such a parting of the ways should not be difficult.  However... Go

Follow the logic:  Sometimes we (clients and coaches) may have characteristic behaviors that get in our own way, and that seem to be close to compulsions. An example... Go

Self-awareness keeps us transparent:   Awareness of where we are now can help us to keep ourselves transparent, so that our own issues do not impinge on our clients' agendas. Go

Is there a place in coaching for the giving of advice?  There has long been debate among coaches as to the place of advice in the coaching relationship.Go

Being the bearer of bad news:  One attribute of most coaches is that they are unfailingly positive. For this reason, giving feedback that is not positive is difficult for many of us. How can one be the bearer of bad news and yet remain positive? Go

Do you hear what I hear?  One of the first and most important of CoachU's classes is titled Listening. Its goal is to be sure the coach is on the same page as the client. However, no matter how carefully we listen, we may not always perceive exactly the same thing as anyone else. Go

Contingency Planning:  A contingency plan is essential back-up in case one's primary plan should fail. However, presenting this need to clients may have its pitfalls.Go

Early expectations:  Most people do not know how to be coached. It is important that the coach take responsibility for teaching them. Go

Be Transparent:  The client's situation is probably different from the coach's experience. It is important that we avoid mixing the two. Go

Caring, not carrying:  The coach cannot live the client's life. Only the client can make the changes and the decisions needed to improve the quality of his/her life. The coach may be the motivator, the catalyst, but is not the provider of the energy and effort... Go

Workplace Issues

Uncertain supervisor: Many managers have difficulty with direct confrontation or with clarification of poor performance on the part of those they supervise. Go

Job skills rarely why hired: Most coaching clients already know how to do their job, usually very well. That's not where they need career help.  Most frequently needed are people skills, self-presentation skills, and, sometimes, an awareness of the pitfalls of political skirmishing. Add to this a healthy dose of time-management, organization, and balance, and you have a highly successful client... Go

The Loyalty trap: One area where CEOs and executives with hire-and-fire capabilities may have a blind spot is when it comes to personal loyalty to employees with whom they have a long history. This is an area where a coach can be of great help, but s/he also needs to use diplomacy... Go

Triangulation in the workplace: A great many workplace difficulties reported by clients relate, when examined, to triangulation. For example, perhaps colleague A talks to supervisor B, supervisor B talks to client C, perhaps client C also talks to colleague A, but the three never talk together in the same room or in the same conversation... Go

Button-pushing colleagues: Sooner or later most of us will find ourselves coaching a client who, though initially thinking that they are unhappy at work, will turn out to have an issue with just one specific person.  Very frequently it will become clear that the two people concerned are not victim and perpetrator, but mutual button-pushers... Go

Responsibility without authority: Giving responsibility without authority is a tendency in many organizations. Senior managers need to see that holding control too tightly can actually strangle an otherwise blossoming organization. A coach can help. Go


The Business of Coaching

Mentoring and Coaching: It is generally considered that mentoring is much more directional, and often directive, than coaching. Thus, when one is mentor coaching there are fine lines to be observed (and I understand that not everyone agrees with my definitions of the two; that's okay too). Go

If you build it, will they...? One of the rites of passage for most new coaches is the building of a website. In today's economy, having one's own website can provide a stamp of professionalism – or, at least, NOT having one can leave one without that stamp.  However, it is of concern... Go

Focus on your own strategic competencies: Develop a list of your own unique strategic competencies and never forget that they are your springboard to success. Go

Make practice building a regular habit: The art of practice building needs constant attention and upkeep. Go

A business plan can help focus and set boundaries: If converting a hobby to a business is difficult, a business plan may help. Go

Coachly environment:  It is a joke among coaches who coach by phone that one of the wonderful things about the profession is that we can coach while wearing sweatpants or shorts, without having to worry about corporate dressing or conveying the right image. However, whatever the environment we create to take our calls, WE know what it is, and it cannot help but affect us. Go

Referral sources as clients? An early impulse of many coaches is to try to make a potential referral source into a client. This may not always be a wise move... Go

Updating web information: If you have information about your coaching practice out on the Web, it is important to keep it current... Go

Make use of empty time-slots: When you lose a client (and sooner or later you will), treat it as an opportunity. Here you have a gift of a half-hour that has been regularly scheduled and that is now free. What are you going to do with it? Go

Clippings Tool-Box: Develop a *tool box* of clippings that contain ideas, techniques, and book references, with a folder for each of the many client issues that you meet frequently. Go

The dangers of wearing two hats: One of the major points that we often make when extolling the advantages of having a coach is that the coach is objective. It follows that as coaches we must be extremely careful to protect our objectivity. Go

Discover what you know, use what you know: It is easy to forget how much we already know, and to look outside ourselves for personal growth when what we really need to is learn to apply what we have already learned. Go


Spirituality Coaching

Spirituality Coaching - I During the call: Spirituality coaching may mean different things to different people, but many coaches who wish to work in the spirituality arena find it difficult to know just how to go about bring spirituality into the phone session. Go

Spirituality Coaching - II out-of-call: A previous Spiritual Coaching tip mentioned things that can be done during a spiritual coaching call. The current tip relates to out-of-call activities that may be helpful for the client to practice and consider. Go

Spirituality Coaching - III Journaling: Journaling can bring into consciousness thoughts and awareness that may otherwise remain murky or completely hidden. In spirituality work there are many, many forms of written exploration... Go

"When I'm done reading your tips, I feel like I've just had a mini-coaching session, because I find myself asking lots of questions about how I handle or respond to the issues you discuss. I save your tips and refer back to them often."    (A coach)

For the Beginning Coach

Therapeutic referrals: Not every client who appears to be stuck needs therapy, but occasionally one does.  How can a coach with little or no experience in the mental health field know when to refer a client for therapeutic evaluation? Go

Clients makes their own decisions: If one stays with the spirit of coaching transparently, avoiding any agenda except that of the client, and encouraging the client to do the decision making, it is not likely that even the most inexperienced of coaches will do harm in their coaching. Go

On-topic coaching calls: There can be a fine line, in some client calls, between allowing the client to take the lead in topics, and allowing the call to become unfocused and of little use. It can even happen that a client who demonstrates great need to talk about certain issues is actually (sometimes unconsciously) using those issues to avoid getting to other topics that will require making difficult decisions or taking action on those decisions. Go

Don't feel threatened by a client's team: It can sometimes feel a bit threatening for a new coach to know that a client is already working with a powerful support team. Yet, be not threatened, but reassured. Go

Practicing the initial coaching call: Two of the most difficult things for many new coaches to do are to explain coaching to their friends as they ask for referrals, and to take the step of seeking clients, which means they will have to begin to coach in the 'formal' role of coach. Go

Coaching as a business:  Coaching is such fun it is sometimes difficult for new coaches to think of it as a business. Yet it is important to remember that it is... Go

Be ready for new clients: Would you like to have a few more clients than you have today? Many coaches would, particularly as they are establishing their practice. One of the secrets of getting new clients is that you are fully prepared for them. Go

What's in your Welcome Pack? Because of the number of questions as to what I put into my welcome packs, here is my answer, but there is no one right way to do this. I suggest you use what you think is best for your clients, add whatever improvements you can think of, and ignore what does not strike you as useful. Go

Track your progress: Tracking our efforts and our results helps us to see whether we are using our time and energy efficiently. It keeps us focused. It can show what works and what does not. Go


Insights for all  (Coaching tip are, after all, tips for living!)

Strategic planning… for your clients and for your coaching practice: Without a strategic plan we are straws in the wind, blown this way today, that way tomorrow because of some change in the environment that has caught us off balance. Go

Getting unstuck - getting perspective: Getting stuck is often a sign that we have lost perspective. Go

Fear need not lead to paralysis: People who cannot make progress, despite knowing what they want to do, are sometimes paralyzed from fear. One of the ways that a coach can help is to reassure them that feeling fear is not a character defect. Go

Refresh yourself by re-orienting yourself: Coaching is so much fun that burn-out is rare, but it is still possible for a coach to get stale. Making time for re-orientation is a way to keep things fresh. Go

What is real? What is real to the client has real results even if it does not seem real to the coach. Go

Treasure empty moments: Learn to treasure empty moments, to see them as moments free of pressure, moments when we are free to find ourselves. Go

Unpleasant but necessary tasks: Why do we do tasks that we do not enjoy? Usually because they are necessary, or because we perceive that they are necessary... Go

We see others, not ourselves: It is only human to be more aware of what we see than of what we do not see. It does not occur to many people that the fact that we do not see ourselves makes our view of the world somewhat inaccurate... Go

Beware habits that bind: So as to be able to respond swiftly to your intuition and to changes in circumstances, take care not to be bound blindly by your regular routines and habits. Go

Judge not.... "Our judgments are only as good as our information" said the anonymous quote in one of my books of daily readings. Perhaps we need to remember not only that this is true, but also that our information is NEVER complete. Go

Self Efficacy: Self-efficacy is a term used to describe the picture we have of our ability to succeed, usually at a particular task or in a specific situation....One of the tasks of a coach is to enhance a client's self-efficacy without boosting it beyond reality and so setting the client up for further failure... Go

Speaking feelings directly: While coaches are not therapists, it is still a service to clients to help them distinguish between thoughts and feelings. Many people have great difficulty in giving voice to their feelings, which they confuse with their thoughts about their feelings. Go